Where have all the basketball players gone?

I’ve been walking around New York for 2 weeks now and every time I pass by a park, the basketball courts are completely empty, but there are hordes of people playing handball! If you haven’t seen people play handball, it’s basically a bunch of people slapping a small ball against a wall. Like racquetball without any racquets. But the people who I’ve seen play it are muscular and intense!

How can we be expected to regain international basketball glory if the youth of today are not fine-tuning their jumpshots or practicing their handles, but slapping a ball against a wall? Where will the next generation of And 1 Mixtape Tour stars be culled from? What will become of Rucker Park? Something must be done about this…